I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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