i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
