Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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