so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
