after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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