and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I can't turn off my feet"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
