GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Someone shattered a urinal.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
