this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
my poor anus
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
