the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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