And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
