I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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