You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
