make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
