I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
