don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
