I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
