what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
