who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Of course I have a pirate flag
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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