I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
