marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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