I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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