Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
