I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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