What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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