Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
