I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My liver just broke up with me...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
