we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
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They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
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Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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