A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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