i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
