My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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