At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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