Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
