May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
