Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
