Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize