Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
