my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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