I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
