At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
