Sry I called you an 8
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
