so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
