The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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