i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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