Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
