Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
