a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
