She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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