I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just had sex on a roof
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
