a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's blow job season.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
