i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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