I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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