I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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