He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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