Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
