I think I died a long time ago.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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