He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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