Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
All I want is dick and wine.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
