Your mouth is God's brothel.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
