Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
