Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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