So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
