And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
