I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
