I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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