Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
