i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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