Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my j├Ąger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.