What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.