Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.