pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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