Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
