She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
