Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
