omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
