All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
