He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
