i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
